Remembering my loss

I rcally debated over posting what I am getting ready to share, but as I have realized, I have lost something very special. This is something I want to post for healing purposes as well. I also want to make others aware that they do not need to suffer in silence.

With that said, last week, I was told that I was pregnant. Yep, PREGNANT. To those of you do not know me well, this has NEVER happened! I had been facing a health issue and called my specialist who ordered bloodwork and wanted to throw in a pregnancy test (I laughed of course). I went to her office after school and had the bloodwork done.

On Wednesday, I received a cell phone call in the middle of math class (nice). It was the nurse who told me that I was in fact pregnant. I was totally shocked. After numerous, extensive fertility treatments over the course of 8 years, I was fairly certain that I would never get pregnant.

Then, she told me that my HcG was only an 8 and due to my health "issue," I was probably miscarrying. The doctor ordered another test to be done at the same time on Thursday. Fast forward to Friday around noon, I got the final call that my HcG was 0. So, yes, I had miscarried. It was very hard to say the least. I had an awful Friday night and Saturday morning. But, through God's grace and only through His strength, I am starting to become human again.

Miscarriage is really an awful, painful, and very emotional experience. Then throw in infertility, and you have a HUGE painful experience. Every experience that I have faced in this life, I have learned that I have become more sensitive to others who have faced the same thing. Most women do not share their miscarriages, however, I don't think women should have to suffer in silence. I am very thankful for my sweet friends who have supported me over the past week with hugs, prayer and "talks."

I know that God had a reason for this. Even though it has caused me intense pain, I also have been given the gift of HOPE.